so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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