I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
