I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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