Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
