make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
