He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You can't special order awesome
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
