these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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