my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you traded sex for a burrito?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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