I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
