y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
