look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
