I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
