that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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