she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
