OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
