i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
