The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the condom got lost in my hair
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
