i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
