found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
