Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
