shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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