I look better un-naked...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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