I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
