I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
