That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
