I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
