Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
