I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
