Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
