I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
