yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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