Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
