i can't believe i had my finger in that
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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