You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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