We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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