Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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