Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
