She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
