So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
