I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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