he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
