You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She bit a glass in half.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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