its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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