the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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