I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
