All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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