I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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