You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
