I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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