at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
