she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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